This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
