I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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