I puked a lego.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
