I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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