so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
