Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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