cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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