I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
