I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize