Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
