Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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