i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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