At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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