Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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