I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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