So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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