Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
