why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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