You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
