I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
