There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
