Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
