Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
