So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
