Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
