Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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