are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
