I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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