one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
