cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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