Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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