the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
