I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
