I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
