I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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