i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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