Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
