dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
