hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize