so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
