She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
