Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
