worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
