Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
