Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
