Got a toothbrush?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
