All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
