I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
