and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize