Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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