how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have aggressive nipples.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
