How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
