i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
