Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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