swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
