so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
