He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
