Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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