Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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