u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
