I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
