I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
