My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
