like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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