This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
