yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
and you fell through a lawn chair
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize