So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
