So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
