He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
