They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
