I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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