I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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