if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
