Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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