Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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