My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
