i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
