Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
