sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
