you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't put those talents on a resume
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
