Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
